I get to do this

I kept thinking this summer that "I have to do this" when I thought about stuff in my life; relationships, food, workouts, naps, writing etc...
But this Wednesday I saw my friend Bruce, we did a shoulder workout at Kuntokeskus K&M in Lahti and talked (during and) after about life 'n' stuff.
He kept his words clear and uninterrupted  (I kept floating off with my imagination and twisted humor) but by the end of the night we came to a critical part in the conversation.
(And a critical mass in my bladder.)

I woke up to the truth. Again.

Life happens.
We can't plan it.
He showed me a door and asked that if I was ever going to fxcking use it, I should do it while I'm still alive and when my talents are still usable (and not waisted away by the winds of oblivion).

So here I am, sitting at home, thinking about putting my pen to paper and getting real with my stack of half baked novels, short stories, movies, drawings and poems.

The first step is to write a motivational letter. It will clear my mind of all the junk and crazy shit that I carry around.
It might even pop out the king story that I will choose to write with passion and joy (discipline).

Edit, edit, edit. That's the hard part.
That's where I need the most time!

That's where the ability to walk through that big door comes to play.

A fictive story

I filled my calendar with things to do to feel important. I wrote down even the most idiotic things like: ”change the linen” and ”buy a carton of organic milk”.

I don't know why I felt like I needed to feel important. Maybe staying at home just wasn't cutting it.

Maybe I was getting bored in my own life? Maybe I wasn't living my life but drowning in its stupidity and in my own wrong choices. No, I don't mean that the choice to stay home was wrong or the choice to have a child was wrong but just the little things... like why didn't I make more of myself while I was at home? Why did I feel like I was missing out on something and going for a brisk walk just wasn't fucking enough!

Sure, kiddo is teething and I still need him to sleep through the night. Sure, I get good two hours every day to myself (well, it's more like 1h + 1h 'cause kiddo wakes up crying in the middle and I have to help him get back to sleep. No biggie.)

Yeah... 2 hours. Usually it means I get 2 hours of soft and gentle sleep! On other days, days like today, I get 2 hours of ”oh fuck, what should I do. Shit, all my stuff is in his room and I don't want to wake him up... crap I can't do a home workout 'cause I'm going to the gym later. Aargh, it's sunny and pretty out side. Why didn't I take him for a walk first!!??...” and so on and so on.

So what's my problem again?:

not being consistent, not following through with my original plan, forgetting to prep and panicking when given an opportunity to flourish. If I was a plant I would probably die if I got any water or attention...

Lets fix this, shall we?

At first I need to let go of the past. Just let go and let it drift off... usually it takes a while so I mustn't worry if it first seems to come back and the current pushes it back against my belly.

There. It's gone. See that? It left. Now we have a clean surface around us.

Now we wait. Just wait. It's a bit like meditation but you don't have to do anything while your brain does everything in its power not to fall asleep. Boxes and boxes of old dreams and lost reflections get thrown around it that little think tank of yours and finally something familiar falls out. “Plop!” It hits the water's surface and makes its mark on it. Rings form but soon they bend back and forth like they were dancing and a 3D image pushes itself out of the water.

“Whoa...” you might whisper.

But there it is. In all of its wisdom your brain decided to show you THIS image. Your living dream. The one thing that (right now) gives you the least amount of agony and disbelief.

Look at it carefully. Don't judge. Just explore the possibilities and let it stay there, close to you. Next to your living body. You. It's Yours. You made it. Can't you just love it? Just a bit? Don't be afraid. It can't hurt you! It's a Part of you. Let it flow... let it climb on your hand and move up to your shoulders. You'll feel its weight is so light. It will never push you under the surface. Not if you just trust yourself!

Trust yourself.

Starters

"Oh wow... it's good" <3

I was at a wedding last night.
(I was there for the food. I didn't know the couple... sorry)

We had the most amazingly small and clever appetizers I've ever had!!

Small frozen cubes of mango and some sort of a green fruit. Really good. And so pretty!

The cubes were about 2cm x 2cm x 2cm. Perfect in every way. They were served on a white plate with a parallelogram palm leaf underneath them. They also had a third cube, an ice cube, to keep them cooler.

I got a shot if vodka with mine ;)

Another night with Rob and Dana

It was about the size of our Nordic Fitness Expo.
But it wasn't an expo. It was a Warhouse Camp :)
I had made it! A dream come true!

I don't understand how Rob pulled it all off but he sure blew up the bank and half the world when he announced that Flag nor Fail and ALL the other things he runs are going to have a super festival this year.

When the tickets came on sale the web page crashed three times a day for a week. EVERYONE wanted in. And everyone were just normal people. Normal gym goers and their family members :)

The super festival had a clothing&apparel area where you could find anything from hats to gloves, belts to socks, pants to shirts, jackets (!) to rug sacks etc. etc... 

Run everything labs had their supplements out and Speed warehouse did their fast&loud thing outside the venue every 3 hours :)

I wondered around for a while and talked to some of the people there... Just this and that... "How ya doing..." " See anything you like..." ...maybe I worked there?.. or maybe I was just lonely ;)

I was checking out some of the winter coats (I really wanted the pink one with fluffy hair around the tall collar) as I remembered (and heard the loud music) that I was supposed to take part in a massive box jumping/step up class that Dana had arranged for the people who came for a work out :D 

I ran to the next hall/room and made my way to the front. People were already dripping in sweat and huffing and puffing away... Dana looked pumped and glowed on stage as she gave instructions on how to defeat failure and not to give into the fatigue they were all feeling. I could smell the pain in the crowd ;)

Later Rob took me for a fly around (he had a freaking stunt PLANE and he could fly it). He showed me the surroundings and the old mill/brick factory they had bought to keep their mini farm closer to work and to give their crew a new way to chill out --> relaxing with farm animals.. it works! :D

I must say... after talking with Rob again for a few minutes and seeing how he could build an empire out of mud and sand I feel like I'm really fxcking up my life if I don't make changes, take relatively large risks AND set goals that are HONEST and FREEING when I reach them <3 

Thank you Rob.

Sometimes I miss you so much that it hurts.

some links to the real world:

http://flagnorfail.com/pages/about-us

http://runeverythinglabs.com/pages/our-mission

http://speedwarhouse.com/

http://thewarhousegym.com/pages/events

http://static1.squarespace.com/static/54fa4fe4e4b048b4b4f8c715/55e0d12ae4b086681ddee28f/55e0d12be4b06229b717bb9b/1440796991047/Dana+Linn+Bailey+-+Vancouver+Pro+Am+Show+2015+(2+of+11).jpg

Make it happen, Now

Do the best with what you've got...

I got 4,1kg of moose liver from our neighbour... :D

I removed the best bits and the membrane, I cut it up into nice portions and threw it in the freezer. Later I'll thaw it just a bit, slice it into really thin slices, then I'll fry it on a hot stove with some butter and white pepper (and salt).

Together with Richard

I got called back to work at the Gas Monkey Garage :D
They had a "super rally hotrod day" in some underground tunnels in a city near here... I got to print out t-shirts and hand them out to all the contestants. They were blue shirts with the GMG logo on both sides and the name of the rally race on the back: "Tunnel cannonball 1.0"
My prints were not super straight or even similar in color depth or thickness but Richard said that he loved the way I made all the shirts look "old and crappy". Hmm, I'm sure he meant well...

Some of the cars were really strange. There was a fat lady with a short red hair (styled up to look like a cat) and she drove a black, roofless (no windscreen either) hotrod with a V10. It was so loud that she screamed all the time (even when the engine was off). Her car kept dying on her and actually she was the only one who couldn't take off when the lights turned green... she just yelled at her car and shouted "Push, push, somebody push me!!"

The noise (from the cars racing in the tunnels) was so loud that I remember thinking that I must be snoring 'cause I can feel my lungs shake.

Mika Nyyssölä, Mr Invincible

He competed in the (Madrid) Arnold's. Won.
He competed in the Nordic Fitness Expo. Won his group + overall + most muscular :)

Now he fought for the last championship of the weekend... won that too. AND got the overall AGAIN :D

Mr. Perfect

he won our paper-rock-scissors match too... he wins everything ;)

http://www.bodylehti.fi/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/palkinnot10.jpg

You can find Mika here:

http://www.mikanyyssola.fi/poydat-tyhjaksi-pm-kulta-ja-overall/

Dreams just got real

I don't do box jumps but I did do some last night... I did box jumps with with DLB :) she has been in my dreams a couple of times before. We didn't talk much but she showed me how "things are done in the real world". How the first jump may feel/look like a long way but actually it's nothing when compared to the trip ahead... She told me that I was already alive and healthy and that all I really needed to do was Get Real and Start Running Shit. ;)

I love her for believing in me and in my cocky (business) ideas. She made me feel like I could jump a lot higher if I only wanted to. And I will... I know it will take time and that I have to stay consistent and true to my original plan but first I have to get it in my head that either I piss in the face of all my fears or I let them pull me down and eat me alive...

Later I found myself lying around and hugging with Richard Rawlings (Gas Monkey Garage)...
Gosh my mind has a crush on him: His "take a risk and make it happen" attitude.
I felt butterflies in my stomach and we had a slow, intimate moment just enjoying life as two humans with completely different lifestyles. We just held each other softly and let time flow :)
...

When's the last time You enjoyed a moment of silence with a loved one?

Every day is hard

It doesn't get easier. You just get better.

I nearly cut my workout short today. Just 'cause I wanted to go home earlier and get some rest. I nearly cut out 6 sets.  Six sets! It's nearly nothing and it is everything that I can't get back -ever- if I cut it out... I can never live this day again (thank god)...

I didn't cut my workout short. I finished it smiling. I went home happier. I had a hot shower and ate good food.
I slept well.

I didn't fuck up today. It was a hard day in many ways.
I made it.
I'll do better tomorrow.

Never die.

Power plus

The end of the third week means the beginning of the second pump week...

I added weight (or reps) to all my sets this week (powerrrrr). I was sure I could not do that so soon but I did. I had to. I was too strong for the "normal" weight. More food = more strength = more gains = more belief

Next week I'll have to bring them down again and focus on the pump... ohh the burn :)